Why do i write so late at night?

It makes it that much harder to actually get any writing done, because i am so tired. And yet, i have always written at night. I am a mystery even to myself.

So, really, i just wanted to write to tell you how incredible you are, and how i am getting used to smiling again. I really am still in shock, and i imagine i will be for a while. Two and a half years is a long time. And yet, even in the midst of the shock, i am so thrilled and ready to move forward with our lives together. I still sometimes find myself being kind of sad out of force of habit, and then i will remember--i don't need to be sad anymore! And then i start smiling. And it feels so wonderful, and strange, and unbelievable, that you are really, truly mine, and i don't have to hide it. That i am no longer in a holding pattern. That i no longer have to wonder when, and if, it will ever happen.

And believe me--there were times when the "if" was much bigger than the "when." Many, many times i thought that i needed to start deciding just how much longer i would wait before i yelled "Screw you!" and ran to you as fast as i could.

Luckily, God somehow managed to keep me from doing that, and He kept me sane, and just when i was at the point of giving up, He convinced me to hang on just a little longer.

And now--here we are. Together. Real. Out in the open. And the more time i spend with you, the more i want to be with you all the time.

I can't wait to see what this next year will bring.