I suppose i've always been a rebellious sort

Maybe that is why Super Christians just piss me off.

In my family we have a saying--"Oh, don't worry--they're just a Christmas card." This is used whenever one of us runs into someone and, after speaking with them for about 5 minutes, we begin to feel like crap in comparison to their perfect, charmed existence. but of course, no one actually has a perfect, charmed existence, so it's obviously all just a load of rubbish. Like those horrible Christmas cards that you receive every year--the ones that recount all of the amazing things that happened that year in the lives of the sender. They learned so much about themselves on that trip to the Australian Bush, and while yes, there were times they were hot and tired and didn't really love the fact that they hadn't showered in two and a half weeks, they really just became such a better person. Oh, and their fourteen-year old graduated from high school and started teaching physics at one of the local colleges, and they just couldn't be prouder! And the whole family just loves spending time together so much that they have family night every Saturday and they all recount for each other the ways they grew and learned in the past week.

Gag me. I hate those Christmas cards. Not that i need a blow-by-blow account of every fight and sickness that occurred during the year, but honestly, those Christmas cards with the starry-eyed story attached to the photograph of the family in their matching red turtlenecks just makes me want to kill someone.

It's just not real.

Neither are Super Christians.

I have no problem with someone who has a conviction about not watching certain shows or movies, or not listening to a certain type of music, but these people who say they don't watch tv--they don't even have cable!--are so ridiculous. They are the same ones who insist their children dress in fashions from the 1800's--can we say FLDS, anyone? Why is it that dressing like Laura Ingalls somehow makes one a better Christian? And God forbid the women wear any makeup!! You don't want to look like a harlot, now, do you?!

No, Super Christians can not be bothered with wearing normal clothes or having a normal life. They have important tomes to read to their children--those glorious children who never scream or fuss and just want to memorize Scripture. They have to talk about nature and how they sat under the tree and just breathed and wrote a poem about it.

But all of the starry-eyed, breathless commentary on their lives stops when something like pop culture comes up. Pop culture?! What is that?! I don't even know who Paris Hilton is!!!

Suddenly, all the gentleness goes away and you get something that is astonishingly close to snobbery. You must not be very spiritual if you know who all these celebrities are! Why, i've never even heard of that movie! I'm too busy cooking delicious, healthy meals for my glorious children and awe-inspiring husband! You apparently waste alot of time paying attention to the world!

And what is implied by these virtuous people as they wax eloquent about just how blessed their life is, is that yours obviously is not if you are wasting your time watching tv, going to movies, listening to anything other than worship music, or reading anything other than devotional books--in other words, anything they deem to be "worldly." Editor's note: The Lord of the Rings obviously does not count as something worldy, since it was written by a Christian man who was friends with C.S. Lewis, and anyway they're only watching it because of it's important lessons!

Ironic, i think, that so much of this is yammered on about on blogs, Facebook pages, and Myspace pages, although far fewer are on Myspace because Myspace is bad, whereas apparently Facebook is quite Christian! And there is seemingly nothing wrong or worldly about wasting so much time on the internet--just don't waste time watching tv! Television is evil!!!!!

Whenever i read these things, i find myself wanting to post about all kinds of things that would just horrify the Super Christians' sensibilities. Even if i just made up some crap, it would still seem more real than the garbage these people are spewing out.